The Negative Consequences of Spanking: By Will Meek

All parents have countless decisions to make about how to raise their children. One of the most important is how to discipline the child. Psychologists and physicians have been pleading with parents for decades to use non-physical forms of discipline, and avoid corporal punishment, because it can produce significant negative consequences for children. In general, spanking can lead to emotional and behavioral problems, increased aggression, and use of violence to solve problems. Although many adults were spanked as children and do not view any negative consequences in their own lives attributed to spanking, it may be different for their children. Non-physical punishments take more work from parents but are also healthier options for the children.

Double Trouble

I have twin daughters and they are 3 (Nicole and Maddy) and my husband and I are in desperate need.  From being an educator, leading after school activities, and maintaining my household I find it very hard to find the right disciplinary actions for our girls. As a child my husband and I were both spanked, but we are trying to find an alternative for our girls.  Since the girls are so young everyone assumes they really don't understand their actions and the consequences that comes along with them, but I beg to differ.  Yesterday Maddy poured milk all in her sisters hair and when my husband asked her why did she do it she shrugged her shoulders and said "because she wouldn't give me her cookie…please don't make me sit in the purple chair" my husband then asked her would she like it if someone poured milk in her hair. She stated "No, I wana keep my hair pretty"…Now how can you tell me she doesn't know what she is doing. They constantly fight each other and argue over EVERYTHING!!! I've tried giving them time-outs but it's not helping. I have to constantly stop what I'm doing to place them back in time-out because they continue to get up. Does anyone have any suggestions for me??? Please help me with my "DOUBLE TROUBLE"!!!!

Thanks,

A mom who's FED UP!

Tips for Divorced Parents: Co-parenting with Your Ex and Making Joint Custody Work

Cooperative parenting with your ex can give your children continued stability and close relationships with both parents—but it certainly isn’t easy. In reality, putting aside relationship issues to co-parent amicably can be extremely stressful and difficult.

Despite the many challenges, though, it is possible to initiate and maintain a cordial working relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. You have the power to remain calm, stay consistent, and avoid or effectively resolve conflict with your ex—all in the name of putting your children’s needs first.

Co-parenting after a separation or divorce

Joint custody arrangements, especially after an acrimonious split, can be exhausting and infuriating. It can be exceedingly difficult to get past the history of hurts and built-up resentment you may have with your ex. Making shared decisions, seeing one another at drop-offs, or just speaking to someone you’d rather just forget about can seem like impossible tasks. But while it’s true that co-parenting isn’t an uncomplicated or perfect solution, it’s the best way to get your children’s needs met and ensure their closeness to both of you.

It may be tough going, especially at first, but you can learn to effectively co-parent and still keep your sanity and self-respect. It can be helpful to begin thinking of your relationship with your ex as a completely new one—one that is entirely about the well being of your children, and not about either of you. Your marriage may be over, but your family is not; doing what is best for your kids is your most important priority. The first step to being a mature, responsible co-parent is to always put your children's needs ahead of your own.

Co-parenting is the best option for your children

Through your parenting partnership, your kids should recognize that they are more important than the conflict that ended the marriage—and understand that your love for them will prevail despite changing circumstances. Kids whose divorced parents have a cooperative relationship:

Feel secure. When confident of the love of both parents, kids adjust more quickly and easily to divorce and have better self-esteem.

Benefit from consistency. Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.

Better understand problem solving. Children who see parents continue to work together are more likely to learn how to effectively and peacefully solve problems.

Have a healthy example to follow. By cooperating with the other parent, you are establishing a life pattern your children can carry into the future.

Joint custody tips for divorced parents: Setting hurt and anger aside

The key to co-parenting is focusing on your child—and your child only. Yes, this is hard—really hard. It means that your own emotions—any anger, resentment, or hurt—must take a back seat to the needs of your children. Admittedly, setting aside such strong feelings may be the hardest part of learning to work cooperatively with your ex, but it’s also perhaps the most vital. Co-parenting is not about your feelings, or those of your ex spouse, but rather about your child’s happiness, stability, and future.

Separating feelings from behavior

It’s okay to be hurt and angry, but your feelings don’t have to dictate your behavior. Instead, let what’s best for your kids—you working cooperatively with the other parent—motivate your actions.

Get your feelings out—somewhere else. Friends, therapists, or even a loving pet can all make good listeners when you need to get negative feelings off your chest. Exercise can also be a healthy outlet for letting off steam. Never vent to your child.

Stay kid-focused. If you feel angry or resentful, try to remember why you need to act with purpose and grace: your child’s best interests are at stake. If your anger feels overwhelming, looking at a photograph of your child may help you calm down.

Use your body. Consciously putting your shoulders down, breathing evenly and deeply, and standing erect can keep you distracted from your anger, and can have a relaxing effect.

Children in the middle

You may never completely lose all of your resentment or bitterness about your break up, but what you can do is compartmentalize that and remind yourself that those are your issues, not your child's. Resolve to keep your issues with your ex away from your children.

Never use kids as messengers. When you have your child tell the other parent something for you, it puts him or her in the center of your conflict. The goal is to keep your child out of your relationship issues, so call or email your ex yourself.

Keep your issues to yourself. Never say negative things about your ex to your children, or make them feel like they have to choose. Your child has a right to a relationship with his or her other parent that is free of your influence.

Spank....Within Reason; By: DHardiman

Being a child who grew up with spankings, or what my Momma called "whoopings", I believe I have had more than enough experience to be able to call a side to the dreaded "To Spank or Not To Spank" argument. As a blogger I must inform that these views are of personal opinion and I am in no way discouraging other discipline methods. I actually encourage them. Where one method works for one child, the same method may not work for another child. By all means I do feel that all other options have to be fully exhausted before resorting to spanking. Spanking should never be the first resort. You have to explain, teach, warn and give time outs to a child first. But for some things don't work that way. So I will say: I am Pro-Spanking. I just have not seen enough research or data that tells me spanking will harm a child. A pop on the hand or two on the butt will not damage a child at all, if that's as far as your spankings go. I was spanked as a child and am doing quite fine thank-you-very-much! However,I do feel concern for other spankers who turn a small punishment into a physical beating. I honestly think this is what some parents imagine when they think of spanking and that this is why it is receiving such a bad image.

Disciplining Your Child, Spanking vs Timeouts

To Spank or Not to Spank: DadLabs

Alternative Ideas For Toddlers Discipline: From The Parent Zone

Calm down! The first thing in toddler discipline is, when your child is doing something wrong that makes you angry, just calm down. Get away from the situation for a while until your anger is reduced. After that, deal with the situation when you are calm and cool.

Reduce your anger! You sometimes shout on your children because of other problems you are experiencing at the time. If you can’t leave the situation, count up to ten to reduce your anger before taking any action against your child so that you will be fair.

Eliminating bad behavior! Reduce your toddler’s bad behavior without turning the situation into a negative one. You can do this by offering your toddler a suggestion of a similar behavior that you will allow.

If your toddler is running around the house which is irritating for you, ask him to go around outside as an alternative.

Time for yourself! Another thing in toddler discipline is to ensure you have a little time for yourself. When you are not able to do what you want to do, you are prone to higher temper and consequently more likely to choose physical punishment as a means of disciplining your toddler.

Punishment! When you are giving punishment to your toddler, make sure that the punishment is logical and will help your toddler to learn. For example, if your toddler breaks something around house on accident, ask him what he can do to help repay damages.

If you follow this way, your toddler can learn to take responsibility for his action in a productive manner. Don’t give punishment such as forcing your toddler to stay in his room while toddler discipline.

This type of punishment will not help your toddler to learn and it is not useful in toddler development.

Overtired! If your toddler is overtired, he behaves badly and has a hard time controlling himself. Be calm and talk to your toddler calmly until he calms down or put him for a nap in a quiet room if you are unable to calm him.

If you are trying for toddler discipline and he is snapping back at you, leave the room calmly and firmly. Tell your toddler that you will talk to him when he behaves in a matured way.

These alternative ideas for toddler discipline help you to discipline your toddler in a positive manner.